Hurley

Hi.

I think that I am quite an internally prideful person. I wouldn't say that I'm proud, but I know what I'm good at and would never bring myself down.

One time I backed down was for a stupid stupid thing. I was scared and thought I could never possibly pull this off, but I regret it. I apologize if this sounds rather sappy, but for some reason, there's been this nagging thought in the back of my mind and I think I just need some sort of closure.

She's pretty. Pretty amazing, but also pretty. She's talented, could sing, dance, and act. She's tiny, her waist fit his arm like a glove. She's rich, fashionable, popular. And that's not all. She's nice, cheerful, kind. She's helped out in mission trips and charities, and helped out a lot of people in general. Despite all that, she's humble. She's unbelievable.

I've only met her once, but that was enough to leave me amazed. It didn't help that the only times she was brought up in conversations was when she was being praised for another amazing thing that she did, and those times came often enough. How was I supposed to compete with that?! No, wait, never mind competing. How was I supposed to follow up to that?!

She's perfect. Damn, if I was a guy, I'd definitely be totally and completely in love with her. Who wouldn't? So what was I supposed to do, pretend she didn't exist? Even you couldn't do that. I wasn't, and will never be anything even remotely close to being like her. The mere thought of following in her footsteps scare the living shit out of me because I know I'll never be as good. So I stepped away. 

I was still there, but I stayed quiet. Unmemorable. And I regret it. It makes me wonder how things would've turned out if I wasn't such a pussy. Ok, I'm not saying things would've been like "getting it on" when I "turn my game on", oh goodness, it pains me to type that, but I'd like to think that things would've turned out differently. Not necessarily better than how things are now, but different.

Now I'm pushing, trying so hard to be there. To be unforgettable, but it's kinda hard when we're both busy with our own lives. I don't even know why I try, when you've disappointed me so many times. I guess I just want to know what's on both sides of the fence, though I'm pretty sure that there will still be something I'll majorly regret.

But all's over, I guess. I'm not even in want of anything or anyone right now.

I just want to stay in bed on a rainy day. Oh, and your jacket. I want to stay in bed on a rainy day wearing your jacket.