I am very upset

Hi.

I told myself I wouldn't put up the incredibly depressing post below. I had talked to a friend about the issue after all. But I had already typed it out all so neatly, so I might as well put it up.

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I promised myself that I would stop putting up any form of sadness on my blog and put up more things people might actually bother reading, but it seems like there really isn't a point in having a blog, if you don't share what's really on your mind.

I wonder if anybody's actually had feelings for me. Like actually got upset or mad over the little things I did and got jealous and confused over me and thought about me on a regular basis. I feel like I'm the only person that ever cares about anyone and that nobody's ever felt that way for me.  

 - from here

This idea seems much more emotional than it should be. It really isn't. It just reminded me of someone who I thought cared. Maybe he really did, maybe he didn't. But I really felt like he was that one person at the time who gets upset if I blew him off for work or had to hang out with someone else. One who would be upset when I'm upset and try to cheer me up. Someone who would be upset with me if I did something wrong to myself or in my life, and actually call me out on it. It really sounds like he cared, doesn't it?

I wish I hadn't been so cold and emotionless back then. I regret all the intentionally ignored phone calls, declined invitations to hangouts and parties, and incredibly late replied messages. But then I also blame this person for not saying anything, for disappearing into thin air, and for not giving this whole thing closure.

I'm too upset to be talking about this kinda thing in public. When upset, people tend to only remember the good things. Let's try to think of bad things then. He... I legitimately had to sit here for at least five minutes and really rack my brains out for a negative thing, and I could only think of one, but that was partially my fault anyway. He still owes me presents. Aha! Bad thing indeed.

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I hope everyone's feeling much better than I am.

Good morning.