Nice

Hi

I'd like to think that I'm a very nice person. I really am. I offer to help people whenever I can, I try my best to help out people who do ask me for help, I don't have any aggressive-state arguments with anyone, and if I'm ever pissed off, I will consult my good friends before I attack someone. I'm amazingly nice, and I'm not being egoistic or anything. I'm merely speaking the truth.

I guess I could be a bitch sometimes. I do bitch about some people, but it is nothing serious. It is no excuse, but I don't think it affects my niceness. It's not particularly destructive, so I think it's fine. I do have flaws, and I snap at people when they do something wrong, but God knows that doesn't happen very often. If you think it does, please do let me know. I want to fix my faults.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is just to think out loud. Am I too nice? Sometimes I do think so. I do get pissed off and annoyed at people, but it takes a lot for me to get visibly angry. I can only remember two times I got really mad at people. Once was during a camp where I was a leader. I was having blinding migraines throughout the whole camp, but I passed all my drugs to my camp commandant cos he was suffering from a painful recovery of a broken arm, other people in charge of games didn't let me know about their night walk plan, so I was just standing there not knowing what was happening, there was an accident that could've easily been avoided, and people who wouldn't chill the fuck out even after I told them that the games no longer mattered. I don't think I've ever told anyone that, but yeah. The other time was when two friends blatantly used me as a scapegoat so they can go on their secret rendezvous, without even asking if I was okay with it. Oh my goodness. Just thinking about those two things make my blood boil, but I'm over it.

The reason why those things happened is because I'm too nice. Oh, I sacrificed my stash of painkillers, I let people use my name. I guess it's sort of my fault that I'm being taken advantage of, because I initially let them do so. But when I do tell people to stop, they don't take me seriously. When I tell friends to quit it when we're just playfully teasing each other, they just think I'm kidding. Why, oh, why.

There is only one person that I truly detest and cannot stand, and even I don't act like a bastard to that person. Why can't people treat me with the same respect as I treat them? I'm nice. Wahlao. Why do the nice people always have to finish last, even when it's not relationship-wise.

Good God. Have mercy on their souls.