Second Semester

Hi.

It's my second week of school, but I haven't even been to school for five days and I've already had two classes cancelled.

I assume that my next 14 weeks or so are gonna go a lot like this. Being awake for 30 hours and more on Mondays and Thursdays, then sleeping the whole day on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Being in school at least two hours early for every class, working on projects in Makan Place in the morning. Trying oh so hard not to let my brain come up with a murder plan for my lecturers. It's a tough life, being a DVFX student.

I've only been to school four times this semester, and I already know it's gonna be hell. I had the worst day on Monday, and I pray to God that I would never have a day like that ever again. I came to school two hours early, only to find out an hour before class starts that it's cancelled. How inconsiderate. So Nicolette and I decided to go up to the Attic to catch some sleep before the next class, only to sit outside like hobos because it didn't open 'til 9.30am. By then, we were in that sleep deprived state that makes people go batshit crazy, so we played games and rolled and ran around the empty room. Stayed there for a couple of hours, only to go to our afternoon class and find out that it only lasted for an hour. What.

Like I usually wouldn't care, but this is insane. Ah. A series of unfortunate events indeed. Hopefully there wouldn't be any other days like that. Ever. I hope to God. Please. I mean, how bad could things get. I'm pretty sure things can only get better from here.

I should probably work on projects now. Or go for a run. Or watch some movies. Or go to sleep. Totes not procrastinating. This is not word vomit.

Goodnight.

Knit me a sweater, and I'll love you forever

Hi.

I've been lusting over a good deal of things. Though I use the word "lust", I'm pretty sure I am in love with these things. Things I would not regret getting, if only I had the money to get them, and are definitely not impulsive wants.

Here's a list ranked by its priority:

1. knitted jumpers in every colour
2. plane ticket to England
3. totebag from Artwork
4. tattoo on my forearm
5. Underground Wulfrun Double-soled Black Leather Creepers

I am currently in love with this knitted jumper from H&M. It's so baggy and comfortable, and it may not be the most flattering, or the most versatile piece in my wardrobe, but I love it to pieces. I just want to wear it all day errday. It's light enough that I can wear it in my room without turning the air conditioner on, but thick enough to keep me warm in my classes.

Wearing this jumper makes me think of the UK. I am roughly two years away (or so I estimate) from moving out of Singapore and into England. I hope to be able to save enough to backpack across the country next year, so I can decide where to move. My heart's pretty set out on Brighton though, mostly because of the beach and the pier. Though I probably wouldn't be there much because of the weather. I am not a fan of the cold.

I can't wait to move to England. The thought of it has pretty much taken over my life, I'm not even joking. When I buy things, I first think of whether I can bring it or wear it in England. I worry about the huge change of temperature, so I'm trying to get used to being in the cold. I'm constantly searching for apartments for rent even though I won't be moving for another two years. It has pretty much been the only thing I could talk about with Trudy. Too much excitement. Ahh!

I hope you're all doing well and have exciting plans for yourselves as well!

Good morning.

Happy birthday indeed.

Hi.

Quick confession. I'm a pathological liar, bordering on sociopathy, and I suffer from Cyclothymia, which is a mild case of manic depression. Loosely diagnosed by a relative who studies mental disorders.

I'm in the bounds of having a depressive fit, which is absolutely horrible when combined with being a pathological liar. To try to combat the latter, I just try not to talk to anyone as much as possible, but that only adds fuel to the flame of depression.

Contrary to popular belief, depression is not something that "just takes time to get over". It's a chemical imbalance in the brain that could mostly only be sorted out with drugs. Unfortunately, some people seem to take advantage of that and use antidepressants to get high, which is stupid. If you want to get high, do weed, or drink, or go to a club. Or be manic depressive and get high for a couple of weeks straight, before falling into a pit of depression.

Back when I was younger, I used to wonder why I would always feel like absolute shit after I've had the most amazing time. I used to believe that it was normal, and that that's just how the universe works. You win some, you lose some. That's just how the balance goes, and you can't possibly be happy all the time. I still believe that to a certain extent, but it wasn't until I talked to a relative about it when I realized that it's not normal. After finding out about Cyclothymia, I did more research and I am sure that I am far from having a proper bipolar disorder, which is good, but I still suffer from it. Constantly. 

What's my way to deal with depression? Hiding in my room for at least 24 hours straight, only eating one meal a day, sleeping a whole lot, listening to songs that make me want to curl up in a fetal position, not talking to anyone, screaming at people who try to talk to me, and trying not to cry as I think of the places I could go or things I could do or people I could meet. It only seems logical.

This post was very hard to write. Anything that is true is very hard to write. Trying not to lie was very hard, and getting out of bed long enough to stop my laptop from playing Iwan Rheon was very hard.

I hope you're all having better weeks.

Goodnight.

England

Hi.

For the past couple of days, I've been spending an incredibly sad number of hours on the internet searching for apartments in England and just reading up on towns like Camden and Bristol and Brighton. And by sad, I mean the whole day.

I've been planning to move to England with a couple of friends. They will be doing university, while I slowly build up my career, somehow hopefully involving E4. I'm not really aiming to get to university, simply because it is expensive and I don't think a piece of paper people call a degree is necessary in the field that I want to work in. 

Anyway, we've yet to decide on a town, but I have seen a couple of pretty sweet houses for rent all over England. In my dream house, the whole place would have a modern vibe, mostly white and light wood and steel. We would have an L-shaped kitchen that has an oven with a separate grill, and a kitchen island where we could have breakfast and a small dining table for when people come over. I'd have a built-in desk and wardrobe in my room, and a full-length standalone mirror. Our living room would only have bookshelves, a coffee table, and a couch or bean bags, and no TV. We would have a pretty decent garden, doesn't have to be big. Just somewhere I could lay a mat down and have a picnic when I don't feel like being cooped up at home. We thought of getting a teacup pig, but I just found out that they grow up to be as big as a medium-sized dog, so I rather get the dog or a cat. All this thinking is making me ache of my house. I just might go on The Sims 3 right now to build it.

I've told a couple of people about this and they're all asking me if I really think I could survive on my own. I honestly think I could. Of course, parents would be funding my first couple of months stay, just so I'd have time to settle down and get a job, but I truly think I'd be able to make it on my own. I'd get a job, or two, one that's full-time and one part-time waitressing gig if I need it or freelance if I can. Of course I know it's not easy to get a job, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible. I'd get a bike to travel around the neighbourhood, and take the tube to go to places. I could cook instead of eat out, which means saving money and eating healthy. The only thing I'm truly worried about it safety. And Topshop being equally horrifically expensive as it is in Singapore. That would be majorly depressing. 

I've already started to prepare for this big move in my life as money is a big issue, and building on that takes a lot of time. From now on, I can only buy clothes I think I could wear in England's weather. I get cold pretty easily so this just crosses out a lot of things from my usual wardrobe must haves. I can only buy things I know I can bring to England. No more shoes, unless I really do need them, no more bags, because I truly do not need anymore, no more gadgets, because I only need my camera and laptop and iPhone to live! I'm also gonna seriously start saving up money now, which I know would be hard, but it's something I know I could definitely do.

Now people who would read this would probably think that I'm just a spoiled girl, dreaming of things I probably would have to give up in the future, but no. I am serious. I need to do this, and I have a plan. I'm not just doing this to leave Singapore, I'm doing this because I know I have to. You might ask why I've dropped the idea of moving to Los Angeles. I haven't. It's just not the right time, and everyone has shit to sort out. It would be my second plan though. I can't wait to live in England. There are places to be, people to meet, and lives to be lived.

I hope you have a good week.

Good morning.