10.35 PM

Hi

There's an intense ringing in my ears and angry loud thumping in my chest. I feel like I'm having a beautifully filmed and edited mental breakdown, á la Gary Ross' Hunger Games.

I have a 5.50 AM call time tomorrow and I can't calm down long enough to even lie still in bed to try to fall asleep. I am legitimately terrified of the remaining nine more weeks, and I wish I could just not show up like how I used to do since secondary school. Literally nothing else has caused me this much stress, and I am constantly feeling unhappy, scared, and helpless.

I sincerely apologize to my friends who has to deal with my bullshit rants and complaints and whining. I believe you guys know who you are, and I really cannot thank you all enough for being there for me and trying to cheer me up. I really appreciate it.

I hope you have a brilliant week ahead.

Goodnight.

Starlight in a Jar is slowly turning into a depression blog

Hi.

The photo above, as well as the rest of the photos in this post, was taken during the first month of my internship, and it pretty much sums up how my life used to be. Pretentious, seemingly hungover, and just not giving a fuck. Oh my, how things change.

I've been really busy lately (what's new) and internship has been draining my life source in every way. I truly can't sleep in peace. The best sleep I've had in the past month is that time I dreamt of being interviewed on Ellen and she surprised me, à la Kristen Bell Sloth Meltdown, with Josh Hutcherson. Long story short, I had meltdown over how beautiful his face is and kept emphasizing how he has a perfect jawline, which led to him asking me out for coffee after the taping. This dream then led me to a severe case of Josh Hutcherson-mania, which is not looking good.

I recently discovered my love for planning, which is unfortunate considering I have no resources to fund any of my plans. I've been having a really bad case of wanderlust, and I've just been aching to travel anywhere and everywhere. I feel like this is a symptom of "the twenties" though. The sickness filled with ache for discovering the world, figuring oneself, and combining the two to find out what you're supposed to do with your life. Despite only being 20 for slightly over a month, I feel like every one in their 20s go through a point in their life where they just want to drop everything they have going on to discover themselves, be it by travelling or just lying in bed and watching shows they wished their life was like on Netflix. That is exactly how I feel right now, and I honestly cannot wait until 10th Febuary 2014, where I can wake up at 4pm on a Monday and not have to worry about anything.

This has been a quick update of how my life has been and how I'm slowly slipping into depression (and "the twenties"), coupled with selfies taken in the office when I still had long hair.

I hope you have completely discovered yourself.

Goodnight.