I can confidently say that 2013 has been the worst year of my life so far. So much incredibly horrible shit has happened, and I can't even begin to explain how relieved I am that I am given (the false pretense of) a new start.
Despite all that, I do admit that it has definitely been a fairly eventful year.
The first month of the year was pretty boring. Nothing memorable happened in January. I did officially and permanently stopped going to my former church though, which was a huge weight off my shoulders and is something I definitely do not regret.
The same goes for February, though I did get into the habit of working out regularly and completely fell in love with the school gym.
In March, I ended my second year of polytechnic. I continued regularly working out and also started working as a lower primary school tutor. That experience only fueled my decision to never have kids. I also worked for Ashley Mak to produce school photos for an international school which involved a two-week sleep-deprived chaos in my tiny room, with photos of hundreds of kids of all ages sprawled all over my floor and bed.
In April, I went on a holiday by myself in the Philippines for the first time! Of course I stayed with my relatives the whole time I was there, but I was independent in the sense that I did not have to check with my parents about anything, I made my own plans, and I had to pay for everything myself! It was a really amazing experience and I treasure every moment I spent with family while I was there.
In May, school resumed and I was back in the cave, trying not to stab myself with a stylus. My grandma also flew to Singapore to stay with us for a few weeks, and we brought her out to a couple of places around Singapore.
In June, I caught a show at Zouk featuring Wavves, Múm, and Shelves. This is when I discovered my love for Wavves. This was also when I had stopped taking photos with my camera.
July was fairly uneventful. I filmed a 3D dolly shot and got to be a part of The Sam Willows' Glasshouse music video, which was both fun. Besides that, nothing much happened in July, except for my slow spiral into depression. Oh, and I also stopped working out.
August was a huge rollercoaster month for me. I got to see my all time favourite band, Fall Out Boy, live! We were so close to the stage and they were legitimately so amazing and the crowd was so insane, I truly felt like I could pass out at any time. I also got to participate in Singapore's first ever Color Run! It was my first time ever joining a 5K and I was quite nervous, but anything that involved rolling on the floor in public and running into dust clouds of colors is a great time in my book. I also flew to the Philippines for the second time this year to be present for my grandmother's birthday! I came with my parents this time, and it was lots of fun. Now I say it is a rollercoaster month, because with those incredibly amazing times come really shitty ones. It was my first time sneaking into school just to stay up to do schoolwork and this actually happened more than once. The work just became so overwhelming and at the same time, I had to deal with issues with my internship, it was just a shit show. In addition to all this happening, I lost everything in my hard drive, which includes years worth of personal photos, and years worth of work/projects/portfolio. I just felt so heartbroken and lost and could not believe my luck. Everytime I see a hint of something good about to happen, life slapped me in the face and dumped shit on me. It was the first time in my life that I legitimately wanted to die and I just wanted to completely drop everything and it was just terrible.
In September, I started my internship with a production company. It started out cool and easy as I did not have much to do at work. I went on shoots and realized how the things we are taught in school is a lot different from how things are done in the real world. I also got braces and started taking practical driving lessons! This month, Amped Trampoline Park also graced Singapore's shores and it was such a huge blessing in my life. I loved every $0.25-costing minute I spent in that park and it has been one of the best discoveries of my life.
In October, I turned 20 years old. I was faced with an existential crisis when one day it hit me that I am not qualified for anything. I have no proper knowledge on anything that could get me on a proper career track. My "depression" was in full force and I just mostly sat there and took it. I truly felt like there wasn't anything I could do to help myself. I also gained back some of the weight I lost earlier in the year because of this. Also, I participated in the zombie run, Race The Dead. It was a waste of money, in my opinion.
In November, I carried on being miserable. I went on shoots for work, which were just horrible experiences. I have never felt so humiliated and defeated. I was at the height of the depressed state of my Cyclothemia. I could not sleep peacefully and I was just constantly anxious about future shoots, work, money, my future or lack thereof, everything! I was just so miserable, to the point where it took over almost every conversation I had with friends, and I apologize profusely. It was just completely horrible.
December started out horrible, but things were starting to look up. Though I was still anxious about everything most of the time, I started getting into the groove at work and learning from being on set and talking to the crew. One of the crew gave me lots of advice on how to survive in the film industry and I am so grateful for it. And though I didn't get to meet up with my friends a whole lot, i treasured every moment I had with them. This month, I also managed to finally get my first (of hopefully many) tattoo! It was so exciting, and I still find it pretty unreal.
Life is insane. The second half of the year, I truly whole heartedly believed that I wanted to die. My issues by themselves weren't actually a big deal, but they came one after another and started piling up and it just became so overwhelming. But of course, God throws me a curveball. Out of nowhere, things started to look up, and days are passing by much faster, and right now, I am just so excited to end my internship and finally be done with polytechnic.
2013 was a huge year of ups and downs, and I could not have survived it with a sane mind if it not had been for the huge support of my family and my good friends. God has blessed me with so much and I need to stop looking past them. I don't want to forget all the shitty things that happened in 2013. I want to learn from them, and yet, still move on. I don't want to be stuck with the amazing things that happened in 2013. I want to treasure every minute of them, and yet, still move on. After all, this too shall pass, right?
Happy New Year, my lovelies. And may the coming year be the most amazing year of your life so far.
